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Few men knew Dr. B. R. Lakin as I did. We were close friends for many years. I had him for his first revival after he resigned as pastor of Cadle Tabernacle in Indianapolis, Indiana. We traveled together, roomed together, and studied the Bible together. He often preached for me when I was a pastor, and I preached for him in his tent revivals. I took him on his first trip to the Holy Land. I produced several long-play albums of his sermons and helped keep some of his books in circulation. When he had to give up his broadcast, The Voice of the Appalachians, he turned it over to me. I preached on the voice for twenty-one years.

Dr.. Lakin had a native wit that he used to great advantage in his preaching. He was like a well that never runs dry. I was first with him for an extended time when we went to the Holy Land in 1954. We traveled together and roomed together for almost a month. When we started the journey, I thought that Dr. Lakin would run out of anything humorous to say in a day or two, but he never did. He was as fresh on the last day of our journey as he was at the beginning. In his lifetime Dr. Lakin was the most quoted preacher in America. He has been gone since 1984, but he is still quoted to this day.

The picture of me and Dr. Lakin was made in a motel in Knoxville, Tennessee. He was scheduled to begin a revival in Knoxville that night.

A trademark of Dr. Lakin was the monologue he usually gave to warm his crowd before he preached. He was a master at wit and humor. He was great with one-liners. His timing was flawless. Without a smile he would have his listeners laughing beyond control. Occasionally he would chuckle or send the congregation into fresh laughter by saying, "I'm a mess ain't I."

Dr. Lakin was at his best when he preached to preachers. He loved preachers and he delighted to preach to them. His humorous monologue before a crowd of preachers would almost make them climb the walls. Dr. Lakin was the last speaker before a crowd of preachers at a fellowship meeting in October, 1980. The following is taken from his remarks on that occasion. Dr. Lakin's humor is recorded here just as it was it was spoken in person.

"I thought they's going to let me go on the night shift" (laughter). "Now if you go to sleep, I'll come down and put my head on your shoulder and sleep with you" (laughter). "I don't think I'd want to hear me preach this late in the night, but anyway" (laughter).

. . So many people where I go want to know how old I am, which is nobody's business but. . ." (laughter). "I was holding a meeting in Atlanta, Georgia, and the little girl that was doing my room was lamenting the fact that she had not gone to school much, and I said neither did I. I said, 'Abraham Lincoln only went to school two years in his life,' and she said, 'Did you all go to school with him?' " (Prolonged laughter).

"Well, I'll tell you a little something, I discovered America on Thursday, June 5 at 9 o'clock in the morning, in 1901. The old doctor rode seven miles down there in the country and stayed all night and delivered me the next morning. My father paid him $5.00 and he went back, and Dad always felt like he was cheated" (laughter).

"You can't get born for that now, you know that" (laughter). "A fellow came in from work one evening and from the table picked up the bill from the hospital and said to his wife, 'Two more payments and the baby is ours.' (Laughter). "You can't afford to get born and to die is out of reason. Amen. So I've decided that if I ever find out where I am going to die I won't go there (prolonged laughter). And the most dangerous place you ever went to, the most dangerous place you ever went is to bed. More people die there than anywhere else." (Prolonged laughter).

"I was so surprised when I first saw this country I did not speak for more than a year" (prolonged laughter). "I was so surprised. . . . "(laughter). "And I only had on such clothes as nature provided me with and then you know what, my mother said I had to rustle for my living for the first year and she said I was a good rustler" (laughter). "My mother had 6 children. Dr. Falwell was introducing me one speak one Sunday on the television and when he finished, I turned around and said, 'Dr. Falwell I am glad my mother did not believe in abortion. Look what the world would of missed.' " (Loud laughter). And I still don't believe in it, Amen" (many amens).

"I believe that God created a male and female. Someone said, 'He created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve' (prolonged laughter).
"A young fellow came up to me with an Australian sheep-dog haircut" (laughter) "and a pair of britches on so tight at the bottom he would have to grease his feet to get them on, feeling his upper lip for the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen" (laughter).
"Then he said, 'Do you believe the Bible contains the word of God?'
"I said, No, I believe it is the Word of God.
"But he said, 'It has so many contradictions in it.'
"He had heard somebody say that. I said show me one.
"Oh he said, 'There's plenty.'
"I don't want plenty, just one" (laughter). "And he stood there and sputtered like an ark light. And then he said, 'The Bible is so unscientific.'
"That is a big word. He had heard that.
"He said, 'You know, I think.'
"No, you don't think, you ought to (laughter). Why don't you use your own head, like a woodpecker does? But he didn't have any head, just had a stub there that haired over (laughter). He only had a neck with a nose on it (laughter). The fact of the matter is, he just had a pimple, it hadn't come to a head yet" (laughter).
"He said, 'Do you believe the miracles of the Bible?'
"I said, I sure do.
" 'Well do you believe that Balaam's Ass talked?'
"I said, Yes and when I hear some preachers, I still believe it" (prolonged laughter).
"And do you know what he said?
" 'You don't believe that Noah and the Ark story do you?'
"And I said, I sure do.
"And he said, 'How big was the ark?'
"And I told him, how long, how high and how wide.
" Then he laughed and said, 'Now you see how ridiculous that is? How would the priest ever carried that across the Jordan?' (prolonged laughter).
"Children, if these little peanut-brain, possum-headed, pin-whiskered, rabbit-faced, monkey professors that pray, 'Our father which art in the coconut tree,' if they are bothering you, bring them around, and the old man will tend to them" (loud laughter and Amens).

"A preacher friend of mine was trying to lead a man to Christ and he said, 'I'm an atheist. I'm an evolutionist. I believe we came from monkeys.'
"Well, he got in the hospital and sent for the preacher, and he went to see him. And he said to the preacher, 'They say I'm going to have to have a major operation. They say I will have to say some blood. Could you get the church to give me some blood?'
"And the preacher said, 'Why don't you go to the zoo and get some of the original stock?' That's the thing to do' (laughter).
"Let me say this. . . I was saved and I like that word s a v e d. We have used that word commitment until I am sick. 'Now come and make your commitment.' What have you got to commit?" (Laughter). "They say, 'Give Jesus your heart.' What does He want with your old dirty heart? You are not saved by giving Jesus your heart. You are not saved by letting Jesus come into your heart. You say, 'Well, how am I saved?' Well, here's where you are born and here's where you will die. So when God laid your sin on Jesus, He laid all of it, past, present, and future. And the moment you trust Jesus Christ, then and there you are going to Heaven because your sin debt is paid for from the time you are born until the time you die. So there you are.
"A young preacher said to me, 'What would you suggest for me to do?'
"I said, learn to preach the gospel that's the first thing."

"When I got saved I was working the log jobs, driving 4 mules, hauling saw logs, staying a little log shanty away in the head of the hollow. One day I got sick and I came home for 3 days, and my mother said, 'They are having a revival in the little country church in the forks of the creek.' I stayed in the bed for 3 days, and the third day I said to her, 'I believe I'll go to church tonight and get saved, and make a Methodist Bishop.'
She said, 'I don't care what you make just so you get saved.' Like Mr. Spurgeon when he said to his old Anglican mother, 'I got saved and joined the Baptist church.' She said, 'Charles, I always wanted you to be a Christian, but I never wanted you to be a Baptist.' He said, 'Well, Mother, God answered your prayer in an usual way and gave you more than you asked for.' (Loud laughter).
"Thank you for the water, I may want to baptize tonight." (Loud laughter). "Now don't look at your watch, I know what time it is."(More laughter).

The following was taken from some announcements Dr. Lakin made during a revival campaign in Landmark Baptist Temple, Cincinnati, Ohio. Dr. John Rawlings was then pastor of the church.

"Bring your Bibles to church, and bring a pencil. You may want to mark your Bible. A clean Bible is a lean soul. So don't forget that.
"On Saturday morning we will have a memorial service for Mary. We are simply going to talk about getting your roses on this side of the grave. Dr. R. G. Lee said, 'Dead noses spell no roses.' So if you have time to give some roses, give them while they're living. Course, when they bring them after they're dead, they always put their name on it, so the dead will know who brought it.
"Next Sunday we will have an early Sunday morning Easter service. Dr. Rawlings talked about getting up early, but that is not early for me. I was born and reared on a farm. My father had a peculiar way of going to bed before dark and getting up at 4 o'clock and waiting for daylight to come. We went out to cut oats one morning and had to wait for it to get light enough to see, and I said, 'Dad did you sow wild oats?' He said, 'No.' I said, 'it look like you're trying to slip upon them in the dark.' (Laughter). I promised myself then if I ever got away from it I would get some sleeping. I don't sleep long, I just sleep slow. It takes me longer to get done sleeping than it does some of you.
"I guess we'll be preaching all day Sunday. We will have doughnuts and coffee. Somebody said, 'What is a doughnut?' He said, 'A doughnut is a hole surrounded by a lot of bad cooking.'
"I'm going to give you women a little tip. There's more divorces caused by indigestion than anything else. Get up of a morning and get that old man a good hot breakfast and cook a few biscuits for him, Amen. I know he'll think something has gone wrong, but anyway, you do it.
"A fellow went from New York down to South Carolina, and he went back and said, 'They had the best things there I ever ate in my life. The woman called them hot ens. She'd pass them and say have a hot en." (Laughter). "Those hot ens were the best things I ever ate.'"

"I like to see you smile when you come to church. Billy Sunday said 'that neither smiles nor tears are religious.' He said 'There's more religion in your will than there is in your handkerchief.' I like to read in the Bible where it said, the joy of the Lord is your strength, not your gloominess. I don't think that the Lord ever intended for us to come to church with a tombstone under one arm and a coffin under the other, looking like the advance agent for an undertaker. And looking like if we were going to take a joy ride, we'd call a hearse to take it in. A lot of Christians are like the old lady who said, 'I always feel bad when I feel good, 'cause I know I'm gonna feel worse.' So that's the way they do it usually."

"A preacher asked how I ever promoted myself. From that first little church with a pot-bellied stove and kerosene lamps, and I was given seven dollars a month---most overpaid preacher in the state. I put my mule in a different barn every night and slept in the spare room of the homes. If you haven't slept in the spare room, up in the northeast corner, you haven't slept. That's what I'm a-telling you. (laughter). Get in between two starched sheets and shiver" (laughter). 'Bout the time you'd get it warmed up so you could sleep, the old deacon would holler for you to get up. 'Get up and come down,' he said. 'Brother Lakin, it's a lot healthier to sleep away from the fire.' "I said, if you don't mind, I'd rather not be quite so healthy" (Loud laughter).
"We had a big straw bed like that with goose hair on top of that. 'Wasn't one of these little mattresses that when you get up in the morning your back would look like a waffle iron.
"A young preacher said to me, 'What did you do to promote yourself from that to be pastor of the largest tabernacle in the world, seating 10,000?' "I said, 'Not one thing.' "I never sent out a brochure in my life. I never asked a man for a meeting. I've never said, 'How much are you going to give me?' "The fact of the matter is, I never expected to be anything but a country preacher. That's what I am tonight, a plain, simple, country preacher. God has blessed, and God has given the victory, and I've moved on. The trail started back yonder on Green Briar Creek, 62 years ago and it has wound down across the mountains and the valleys, across the ocean and rivers over 200,000 miles. One day it'll come to an end on the bank of the River of Life, and I'll stand up in the boat and wave good-bye and step out on the other side and say, 'Good morning Jesus.' " (Loud Amens).

"A lady said to me one day, 'Dr. Lakin, I got invited to a bridge party. What do you think about that?' "I think they have put you down as a hypocrite and they haven't got you much miss-put."(Laughter). "They don't ask me to go, Amen. Like a waitress said to me, 'Would you like a drink?' "I said, yes, water. She said, 'I mean a cocktail.' "I said yes, fruit." (Loud laughter). "She said, 'I mean something from the bar.' "I said honey, 62 years ago I got saved and that got the hog out of me and I haven't had the slop since" (prolonged laughter). "A fella came up to me and said, 'I am a Christian, I am a Baptist.' "And I said you smell like it. You say, 'Dr. Lakin if I'd live like you say, I'd have to give up all my friends.' "Don't you worry honey, they'll give you up" (laughter). "They'll shed you like a calf sheds its hair in the spring of the year.

"A fella was an alcoholic. They called them sops when I was a boy. He came into my office, crying. I said if you don't quit drinking you're going to be a bum. He said, 'What do you think I am now. That's why I came in here. I am a bum already why do you think I am in here.' "I said why don't you quit. He said, 'I am too weak.' "Well, I said if I was that weak I would get me a little more hair and a tail and be a sure enough dog. That's what I'd do."

“Let me tell you something tonight. If you want to get off, get off. My grandson smoked cigarettes from the time he was seven years old till I don’t know how old he was. I said to him one day, ‘Ronnie, you don’t smoke as much as you used to.’
“He said, ‘I don’t smoke at all. I haven’t for two years. I quit.’
“I said, ‘Did you taper off?’
“He said, ‘No, I just quit. I ate up two or three pillowcases at night, but I quit. If you’re going to get off of a horse, you don’t pull out a hair at a time. You get off.’ “Amen.” (Laughter).
“Fella said to me, ‘Can’t I smoke cigarettes and go to heaven?’ I said, ‘Yes, and a whole lot quicker.’ (Laughter).
“You heard the story about the fella that was on the plane, and a woman pulled out a pack of cigarettes and blew some smoke.
“And he said, ‘Lady, you smoke; I chew and you smoke. Now you can blow smoke on me if I can spit on you.’ (Prolonged laughter).
“A fella said to me, ‘Can’t I go to heaven and chew tobacco?’ I said, ‘Yes, but you’ll have to go to hell to spit.’

Dr. Lakin's humor did not stop at the end of his monologue. Often it was sprinkled through his messages. The following is an example of Dr. Lakin preaching before a great crowd at his best.

“Once you get an old-fashioned, sky-blue, blood-red, bed-rock, river-Jordan, John-the-Baptist, all wool, and a yard wide religion, it will ruin you for this world.” (Laughter) Amen.
"A lady said to me the other day, 'Dr. Lakin, why don't you do some nice preaching?'"
I said, "Honey, if nice preaching would have saved this city, it would have been saved a long time ago. You don't need some nice preaching. Did you ever notice in the Old Testament, the priest never got in trouble? But the prophets did. The prophets are the ones who said, Thou art the man. A man today who is facing this howling world, as some of our brethren are, are going to get in trouble. Amen. I'll tell you what fundamentalists need my friend. You preachers need to get a little backbone in you and stand up and cry out against something. Oh, you'll say yes to someone else doing it, but you try it once.
"Let me tell you something, my friend, what we need today is another John, the Baptist that will go down the Jordan Valley with a pair of skin britches on, and a leather girdle around his loins, and his black mane hanging down his shoulders, preaching repentance until they come from the governor to the bootblack to hear him.We need another Nathan who will put his finger under David's nose and say, Thou art the man. Amen.
"You know what, I've done made up my mind, I'm not going let any group, or any individual tell me where I can go or with whom I can go (loud Amen). I'll go where I want to go and where I feel God wants me to go. Amen. I held a meeting for somebody the other day and a man said, 'Would you hold a meeting for them?' I'd hold a meeting in hell if I thought I could get out. (prolong laughter). I don't care what Dr. Wigglejaw said, or what Dr. Broadmouth has to say about it. I load up my old gospel gun with hammers, and log chains, salt rock, cayenne pepper, TNT and turpentine and tap the powder down until the ramrod jumps out about six inches and then I cock both barrels and take aim and let her go and the fur flies and they furnish it. Don't wait for something happen, make it happen, that's what I 'm telling you."

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